camomile

I appreciate my life too much and love this earth too much to be angry or upset, shit happens. spread peace and love, and good things will come. just have to keep reminding myself that I am in control of my decisions and choices, and that I can find love, happiness, and peace in every little thing and in every motion. keep the things that give you the most happiness closest, and keep reminding yourself, the person, object, creature, tree, sun, moon, etc. that there is love and that they are loved and that I will share my love with them to open arms.  it seems to have been working for me so far, and i’ll never stop with open arms and smiles

19

I feel so under appreciated from my friends at home. I love doing things for people and it brings me happiness and pleasure to life, and I love my friends, but I have just been forgotten about and walked all over. when I ask of one thing, I get cursed at by a fucking idiot (who I cant even call my friend because he is sleazy, tried to sleep with me multiple times, and is extremely rude) who was not even involved. I am strong enough to keep my head high, but I draw a line. I am cutting a lot of strings this summer to maintain my own happiness, because there are a lot of people that I surround myself with at home who radiate negative energy, judgment, and hate towards difference to their standards.  These aren’t real friends, these are friends that can’t be separated for a second and have a hard time to hang out with individual people and have a hard time to get to actually know people. I feel like I know no one, but that’s ok. I know myself, and I am not them. I am not separating or segregating myself, I am just identifying.

did I also mention its my birthday, and to me, my closest girl friends had a hard time understanding that and had a hard time making me feel in the slightest bit special. a big shout of “happy birthday!!” would have been nice or something, but I feel like I got a lot of weak happy birthdays and a vibe that no one gave a shit.

it just sucks when I find my home uncomfortable. I need to be moved to new paltz with the peaceful people, grounds, and my amazing friends that I made and the ones I know best, the ones schedules I know, the one where we love to love, and the ones I am most comfortable to be myself around.

just everything sucks right now and it hasn’t been this way since the end of august, and its ironic how I feel depressed when im home

‘but its fine’